jolene needs a focal point.
Like how undigested fibres ends up in the toilet bowl, unprocessed nonsense gets discharged here.
Do you get, do you get a little kick
out of being small-minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval you’re after
Well that’s not how you’ll find it
Fuck You (GWB); Lily Allen
dialogue
jack-in-a-box press it pops
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Pursuit Of Happyness
Studying Literature as a serious subject this year; pouring over texts, reading between the lines and exploring the themes, have certainly reshaped my perception of things.
Like how the central problem of Economics is Scarcity, Literature is simply the study of Stupidity of Man. Human beings are idiots.
This is the story of a moron called Jolene.
As more than one person has diagnosed, Jolene was a workaholic. Like how cocaine addicts deny they're not hooked, Jolene has always maintained she was sane, perfectly alright and well-adjusted.
Truth is, she was a robot. A mugging machine.
Like Sylar, and his obsession with his abilities, and the thirst for more, Jolene was overwhelmed by the possibilities in a new environment. She was mildly surprised at what she can actually do, and achieve. School became a test of where her limits lie. She pushed herself over the precipice, hanging on only with the life-support of caffiene and chocolates. She was sadistically delirious with joy, when she sleep at 4 in the morning and woke up two hours later for school, like it was some mean feat as if the everest was conquered.
She did abuse herself, physically, mentally and emotionally. The hunger for satisfaction, from scoring another A or producing another JPEG design, kept her going back for more. Along the way, she lost herself. Beneath the hunger, she was hollow. She forgot how it was like to be happy. As a matter of fact she forgot how to feel.
In Beloved, the characters have to confront their past before they can heal and move on.
Going for the steamboat at Shirui's house was a bout of dejavu. The kooky, random, nonsensical self manifested. No pretense. Maybe it was the heat from the steamboat, but sitting around old buddies, goofing around with the guys and talking nonsense, made her all warm and fuzzy. Kokleong pressing down on her shoulder as they wrestled to get their faces in the photo. Teasing about Weishuen being underaged. Catching up with Jiamin. Talking irrelevant stuff with Sherman like how they used to as tablemates. Contemplating life with Shibin. Standing on the rooftop underneath the starless night sky, talking. The comforting presence of love, trust and acceptance that enveloped her exorcised the hardcore, intense, confused and insecure mugger.
She came home that day, feeling different.
She remembered how it was like, to breathe. Long, deep inspirations.
For the first time in the longest time ever, the sensation came back.
The tingle of light-headedness, like nothing else in this world mattered at all, because everything was possible. She felt contented, blessed and at peace. She felt strong. New. Reivitalized. Different.
Now, she is catching up with her past.
Things that she left behind while she got too engrossed with work. Rediscovering the joys of enjoyment. Determined to make the most out of slacking and procastination. Hanging out with her buddies. Bob to her favourite music. Laugh. Release all inhibitions. Let the wind slap her face and mess her hair. Be herself. Roam around aimlessly. Feel her pulse. Appreciate. Smell the roses. Let go. Taste her food. Sleep, and dream. Love life.
Welcome back, Jolene.
She smiles.
Now, it comes so naturally to her.
Previously
November 2008
December 2008
March 2009
CREDITS
x
x
x
x
x
